Phone calls with parents can make your day but keep them up all night. Make things easier on your parents by not giving them any reason to debate– gasp– making a surprise visit.
What you should say: “I’m yawning because I was up all night studying at the library.”
What you really mean: “I walked past the library on my way home from frat row at 4am.”
Your mom doesn’t want to hear that you don’t know the hours that the library is open, but you know the whole closing team at your favorite late-night drunchies place by name. Placate her by hiding the reason you just woke up when she called at 3pm.
What you should say: “Yes, mom, I’ve been eating healthy.”
What you really mean: “Pizza has vegetables in it, right?”
College budgets are not made for healthy diets, and when the salad in the dining hall is wedged between lasagna and mashed potatoes, we all know what choice you’ll make. But your parents are hoping you’re still at least trying to ingest some vitamins, so make sure you mention something green ended up on your plate.
What you should say: “I don’t see much of my roommate. We’re kind of on different schedules.”
What you really mean: “I sleep through my 8am’s and he still thinks professors might take attendance one day.”
Don’t tell your parents you’re skipping out on the classes they cosigned the loan for, first of all. Second, if your parents ask about your new roommate and you haven’t gotten to talk yet because of late afternoon naps and crashing at friend’s places when you can’t walk home, just try to glaze over the circumstances.
What you should say: “I’m meeting a lot of new people.”
What you really mean: “When did I get all these new numbers last night?”
Your parents don’t need to know that a lot of the people you meet you won’t remember in the morning. Parents still love to hear that you’re out having fun.
What you should say: “School work is challenging, but I’m taking advantage of campus resources to get my grades up.”
What you really mean: “I forgot all about conjugating verbs but that kid down the hall is from Spain and I can pay him in ramen to finish my homework.”
College can be challenging and when all other aspects of college life take precedence over academics, grades can slip. Assure your parents you’re taking care of things. The exact methods for that don’t have to be disclosed.
What you should say: “No, mom, I’m not partying.”
What you really mean: “[insert crying laughing emoji]”